I'm not entirely sure why I watched the first Scary Movie, but I guess I thought it would be funny. I mean, there were a couple of bits in that one that were kind of funny, but it mostly just sucked. So, I knew ahead of time that Scary Movie 2 was going to suck, but I watched it anyway, and it was even worse than the first one. I kind of liked the Exorcist gag, where the girl was peeing on the carpet for a really long time, but that was the only halfway funny joke in the whole damn movie. You would figure that I'd have no desire to see Scary Movie 3, and you'd be right, but some dark force commanded me to spend a dollar renting it from the local library. I miss that dollar.
Two bimbos, who aren't anywhere near as hot as they used to be, play out that scene from the beginning of the American Ring. Then, the cute chick from the first two Scary Movies, who is now a reporter for some reason, is investigating a killer videotape that is somehow related to a crop circle that isn't an actual circle or anything. She has a psychic nephew living with her, and there's a white rapper, and... Oh, who am I kidding? There's no fucking plot in this thing. It's just a bunch of scenes from other movies that weren't all that fucking good to begin with. Hey, look! It's that scene from Signs! Wow! Another scene from The Ring! And that's the big battle rap scene from 8 Mile! Yay! There's the room with the TV screens from Matrix Reloaded! Sure, those movies all sucked the first time I saw them, but now they have a some really shitty one-liners and sight gags thrown in! That makes it all better!
I can't believe I watched that worthless piece of shit all the way through. It's even worse than the first two. None of the jokes, if you can even call them that, are even slightly funny. It reminds me of a line in The Last Minute where a critic says, "It is not enough to produce a piece of shit in the corner and say, 'This is art.'" I'll add to that. It is also not enough to produce a piece of shit in the corner and say, "This is comedy."