Steve Clark (ihatemovies) wrote,
Steve Clark

The Mysterians

Here's another one of those weird-ass movies that Ishiro Honda made in the fifties. As it often happens, this one has aliens in it.

Two young couples are at some kind of festival in one of the more rural areas of Japan, but the one guy just recently dumped his fiancee. He says that he's going to live in this little village from now on. Then, everybody notices that the forest is on fire. A couple of local guys rush to try to put out the fires (by beating back the flames with their bicycles, I guess), but it's a weird sort of fire. It's starting at the roots of the trees and working its way up. Later, after three out of the four tourists have left, the whole town disappears in a huge landslide. While the police are bringing some scientists out to take a look at the scene, a giant robot shows up. So, the cops decide to shoot at the thing. That just pisses it off. Eventually, the military manages to take down the robot, but then the aliens make contact. They come from the planet that used to be between Mars and Jupiter, but they've been living on Mars for a while, now. Now, they want a couple acres of land and five human females to mate with. Nobody likes this idea, so the military goes out to attack the aliens. The military gets its collective butt kicked. Luckily, someone eventually invents some weapons called Marcalite Farps. The Marcalite Farps will save us all.

It's a fairly amusing little movie, but it has the same problem that most kaiju movies share. The main characters seem to only exist for the purpose of talking about the aliens. That's all they do. And these guys are the main focus of the movie. It doesn't really thrill and excite.

And then, there are a couple of the big battles which are cool and everything, but they sort of drag on a little longer than they really need to. It's like, yeah, the giant satellite dishes are shooting fuzzy energy beams at the alien fort and absorbing the alien death rays. We get it. We don't need thirty more shots of the same shit going down. Thanks.

Still, there's a lot that I like about the movie. I like the fact that the aliens are basically pacifists, only attacking in self-defense (or in not-so-pacifist retribution), but they're still out to take over the world.

The special effects are kind of cheap and obviously very dated, but you can tell that a lot of talent and effort went into them. It's part of what makes the movie look so cool, these effects that are unbelievably silly and incredibly cool all at the same time.

Have you noticed that all these kaiju movies take place in some alternate universe where Japan is apparently the most powerful country in the world? Are these things really popular with the Nationalist movement or something?

*** out of ten for the script
******* out of ten for the visuals
*** out of ten for the acting
****** out of ten for entertainment value

Average Score- 4.75 points out of ten
Bottom Line- SILLY MOVIE

For the DVD Cover:
"The Marcalite Farps will... thrill and excite... like... fuzzy... aliens..."
        -Steve Clark, I Hate Movies

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